And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
