..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
