My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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