i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
