Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We need to get me chipped asap
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
