I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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