When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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