when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
