she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm really busy with my period
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