Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
