I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is wine microwaveable?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize