At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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