We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
