Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
