I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
