I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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