The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
