its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
