i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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