you didnt know i had herpes?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
