apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
