Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
