Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
