Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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