Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
