this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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