Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize