If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
