i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
