my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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