One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
