Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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