the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
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