My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The best revenge is premature balding
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
