i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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