If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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