Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
