u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
