your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize