Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
