I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
