So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
