she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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