do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
