Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
