good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize