Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize