Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
