Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
