Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
