You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
