Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
