11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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