for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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