I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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