he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize