It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
