don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
