Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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