the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
