so explain again why im purple
no
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
