I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
