I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize