I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
