I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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