Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
