he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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