i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
