i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
