your parents love me but you hate me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
