4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
