Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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