gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
