wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
