You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
