I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
