I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Randomize
