I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My cat gives me a boner
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize