Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
