OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
