remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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