I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
