Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
