Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
