That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
