we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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