return my video game
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
