I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
