She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
