We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
