I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
