i think my mom watched the whole time
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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