Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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