No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
