You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this is an emotional support booty call
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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