We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
