I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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