When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
