I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
