I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drunk is not a location!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
