He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize