i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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