You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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