The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
try to milk me bitch
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