Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
